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Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

Summer is 1 week away and I am ending another school year. That also means our daughters are too! We just attended an honors program and the second year of high school is almost in the books. With that has come talks, schedules for the next 2 years, plans for the future, proms, banquets, college tours, and possible majors. Along with the usual dilemmas comes dilemmas specific to multiples. Do we stay together and go to the same college or is it time to break up the team? Hard to imagine the latter and when I do, it tugs at my heart strings and I start to feel very sad. Yes, I am sentimental. I can’t help it. Why didn’t anyone tell me that with these proud milestones would come a bit of heartache?

” Don’t Blink” is a country song which has the lyrics trace the many stages of a child growing up and it is so true. My optimistic side  has me feeling proud, at the moment, yet I’m in utter disbelief that we are at this point. Didn’t we just drop them off at Kindergarten? My favorite piece of advice, to the girls has always been “stay true to who you are.” It encompasses a lot and has stood the test of time. I love watching them grow into the wonderful people they were meant to be in this world. Why didn’t anyone tell me that the time truly would go quickly? I remember it not seeming that way in the diaper and sleepless nights stage. That now seems like a lifetime ago.

I struggle with this new stage and the challenges presented. It is requiring me to do some redefining of my own in terms of my roles. The positive spin is that change is good and leads to growth. New interests can be formed and old ones dusted off and brought back to the forefront. I am moving into this new territory slowly. It is inevitable, I realize, so why fight it? Tell that to my heart! Why didn’t anyone tell me that what I am feeling, inside now, is 100x worse than the first day of kindergarten?

525,600 minutes. The show Rent points out the importance of this amount in our lives. Time passes and it is up to us to take advantage of every moment and opportunity. In the same line of thinking is the fact that there are 780 days in high school. I hope our children measure their success in many different forms and always strive to help others. I love that they are conscious of the need to reach out and I hope they never lose it. Why didn’t anyone tell me that, with each milestone/achievement, it can feel like a step into the future for our children without us?  Wait…. How did this happen?

Why didn’t anyone tell me that this hurts? Now I remember… my parents did but I was the child and not the parent then. My how things have changed. I will change with them but I’m not 100% ready and I’m not 100% ok with it and I own that. It is who I am!